Reality 11: Look inside

A change of thoughts now?

Maybe… I don’t know.

After my mom and grandma appeared in my dream the other night, I come to wonder what was that for, so I ponder a lot the whole day yesterday kaya naisipan kong panoorin ito kagabi.

Last night I happened to watch FINALLY this “the encounter” movie. (if it’s not with our RS subject in school, I wouldn’t know it after all. Requirement din naming panoorin ‘to para gawan ng reaction paper but I got more than that)

I just would like to share it, maybe through this movie may mabago din ang pananaw, thoughts nila or makapagreflect din.

This is biblical ika nga, it will touch the spiritual aspect sa life natin, alam naman ng lahat na I am not a church person but I really believed in God, his divine intervention, no doubt.

Ito lang siguro ulit ang bumalik sa isip ko na lagi kong tinatanong sa kanya na…

“where do you really want me to go?”

After I watched the movie, oo I asked him again pero iba na ang kasunod its “please guide me wherever you want me to go…”

Iba lang ang naging mood ko last night, after nanood, natulog at bagsak talaga ang katawan ko, I wasn’t able to wake up nga ng maaga to go to the gym, parang may bigat lang akong naramdaman sa puso ko kagabi.

I was really touched doon sa part na sinabihan ni God yong mga tao isa-isa ng “I LOVE YOU” wala lang ramdam na ramdam ko lang kasi from the start of his conversation to them, ang lalim na kasi lahat. naisip ko nga habang nanonood ako, totoo nga, totoo siya like nasa harap ko lang.

Kung nakita mo na ang movie na ito? Saan sa lima na character na masabi mong marelate mo ang iyong sarili? I am referring sa attitude na pinapakita niya towards kay God. Kasi ako, siguro yong babaeng in love sa kanyang boyfriend, ang ugali kasi niya was yong pinipilit niya ang bagay na tingin niya tama pero sa mata at desire ni God ay hindi. It happened din kasi minsan yan sa buhay ko until finally natanggap ko na may mga bagay na hindi talaga para sa atin. Kaya ito ako ngayon, shifting my dreams.

Sana maging inspired kayo sa movie na ito, subukan niyo lang tingnan, maybe it will moved you in the end. I am not asking na maniwala kayo sa mga pinagsasabi ko kasi kahit ako alam naman ng lahat na wala sa personality ko ang mga pinagsasabi ko dito pero isa lang ang sasabihin ko, matapang man akong tingnan pero pusong mamon talaga ako. =p wala sa looks ang peg talaga!! Hehehe

Gandang gabi sa lahat.

Naging busy lang talaga ako, pasensya na. makakagala din ako sa inyong mga bahay.

Dahil LOVE MONTH I will share this quote:

LOVE CHANGES EVERYTHING…

and please don't forget to share your heart and love to everyone... hindi lang pasko ang kailangan para magshare hehehe i am inviting you po to support the "PBO - BAZAAR FOR A CAUSE" Thanks...

God will provide you more when you share your blessings. =)

Libro over YOU

Libro? There are a lot of people na sobrang galing when it comes to memorizing the books, lessons, theories, principles, etc. pero pagdating sa real na buhay? Bagsak! Books are only our basis, foundation of learning, but experience is the best teacher of all. I am not intelligent but I know i can do something beyond what I read in books and what my teachers taught me in school. Minsan it's in our values also on how we treat other people, how we learn in life. my course? This represents reality, true to life stories and real sentiments of the people..

I hate reading books but I have to dahil mataas ang expectation ng ibang tao sa akin, yes, I don’t have to live up with that expectations but para na rin sa sarili ko, ayokong mapahiya! I am older, mga teenager yong mga classmates ko, I am working in the government in an agency where this course will put me. They are really expecting that alam ko kahit I know for myself na hindi lahat ng bagay ay alam ko at kaya ko.

here’s one to ponder…

a boy came home from school, he got an excellent award in English from his teacher, he told his daddy about it. This boy had a Spanish yaya named maria, the boy told his yaya na may ganitong award ka ba? And the yaya noded. The boy asked his yaya again, do you know how to speak English well? Again his yaya, noded. The boy went back to his daddy and sabi niya, I am good, I am the best and why is it maria doesn’t know how to speak in English? she is old, she must know it.

His dad went to the library with the boy…

The father grabbed a book in his shelf, he opened it and ask the boy, do you know how to read this? The boy answered, NO! sabi ng daddy niya, you know how to speak in English, maria doesn’t, but maria knows to speak in Spanish very well and you don’t. The boy was silent…

This means that hindi lahat ng bagay ay alam natin, we have our own strength but we also have our weaknesses. We may be good at some things but not for all the things. Yan ang totoo sa buhay, it’s not because you are good in science, magaling ka na gumawa ng drugs! Lels! Hahaha that boy realized it and kapag may achievement yong boy, he always remembered maria dahil hindi lahat ng bagay ay magaling tayo!

 

How will you understand them?

One of the challenges I encountered every day in my life especially in the office is yong you are talking to different people and hearing different sentiments in their life, I may say we have problems but if we look into the bigger picture, there are more na mas mabigat at mahirap ang problema if you are just sensitive enough to lend your ears.

There are a lot of cases every day, there are also common, but one thing I assure you is, they have different stories. You know, if you are a psychology graduate or studying psych, social work or even sociology you will understand most of the things that Is happening around us, we are sensitive to things, situations and even our own family situations, we are very careful to that. But to those na walang background, it doesn’t matter at all, other people in the rural to be specific, their only priority is mapakain ng tatlong beses ang pamilya nila in one day, swerte na yon if three meals na.

I met a lot of people already, mayaman at mahirap, pero isa lang ang narealize ko all this time working, pare-pareho tayo ng nararamdaman when our immediate family goes to the hospital, walang mahirap at mayaman if you have a deadly disease. The difference between the government hospital and the private, it’s too big, pero hindi lahat ng nakaprivate hospital, lahat nakakabayad, dahil sa laki ng bill, kailangan mangutang or magsangla ng property para mailabas ang kanilang pasyente. Sa government naman, maliit ang bayad, madami ka pang pweding puntahan to pay the remaining amount of the bill pero kailangan mong mag-tiis at makipagsiksikan sa hospital.

One of the most challenging cases I have handled is yong nag-lalabor, young age, teenager, may ka-live in partner at ang haharap sayo, mga magulang pa rin nila and when you ask them a question “how old are you nanay when you had your first child?!” ang sagot “kasing edad ng anak kong nanganak, mam!” history repeats itself?! tama ba ako? Oo kasi yon ang nakikita nila, yon ang naririnig nila and these children thought that it’s right, minsan ang iba they made an excuse na hiwalay ang magulang at kailangan nila ng kasama. Ikaw, pano mo isipin ang ganyang situation? Is it acceptable? Reasonable? Justifiable? Ako, depende yan, kasi there are cases naman na rape victim, nabuntis, hindi acceptable pero walang may gustong ma-rape!

May mas challenging at nakakainis sa lahat, 42 years old, gave labor to her 13^th child, kasabay ang anak niyang naglalabor din for her 1^st child, means apo na niya yon. Ngayon, kaya  mo bang intindihin ang mga taong tulad nila? Then the person na haharap sa’yo is yong tatay na parang wala lang, they don’t even think of ano ang ipapakain nila sa anak nila. They are just one of those kind of people na na-eencounter ko every day sa buhay ko, this gave me the reason to aim more, dream hard para one day, I know I can’t change the world, I can’t change everything but at least I could share something that is worth to live in this world.

Mom is just around, i know.

Since mom left us, the three of us, yesterday, I, my father and sissy went to another comfort zone. My father drives to his brother to play chess, my sister went to my mother’s only and younger sister (just back of our house) and I, left alone at home. It’s been a year and a half since mom died and I could still feel her around the house, or maybe because when she was still alive, I used to have that feeling even if I kept myself inside my room most of the time, I know she’s just outside reading or taking her cup of tea. Now, sitting on my bed inside my room, reading blogs or updating fb status, my feeling doesn’t change at all, she’s still outside sitting on her favourite chair. I can’t let go of that feeling yet, not now or maybe not ever.

While growing up, I understand why mom keep on banging us, what I am now it is because of the love and values she taught us. Most of the people will tell I have a strong personality, so as my mom, strong but we both have a soft spot in our hearts, it just doesn’t show. Just dig and you will know. It’s always true to tell about “kung ano puno ay siya ring bunga!” and my father, sissy and I take that as a joke like “walang mangga magkaroon ng bunga na bayabas!” so much of avoidance, I still follow my mom’s footstep after all this time. It’s been a long search of myself, a long journey before I came to realize that this is what I want to be in my life, to be a registered social worker just like my mom. I am happy of what I become now, the people that surround me gave me enough strength to go on with my dreams and make that dream come true.

One day, I know mom will be happy with the choice I made in my life, the road I walk into and to continue her legacy. I always know I can do more than what she did because she believes in that, she always tells me that. I grew up believing that one day, I can do better than what I just saw and heard from my mother. Whatever I did now, this is because she gave me the strength to pursue the life I deserve.

Just go

I still think of you after all this time, I just don’t have the heart anymore to say how you've been and how you’re holding up. It’s just so painful, I know, but this is all for the best, for the best of you and me. I still want to say how much I love you but it’s not right anymore. I could still hear you laughing, your smile kills me. If only I could turn back everything to make things right for us, I wish I could. Loving you is the best thing I did in my life and I never regret that.

I wish I could still say it how much I miss you, the endless goodnights and I love you’s, waking me up in the middle of the night just to make me feel I am secured. I surely miss all that. It’s killing me. It has been so hard but I am trying everything I could to forget you. I had the best of times with you and I just can’t throw it all away like that. I don’t know where in the world you are now and I don’t want to know anymore, I don’t want to feel that pain again, I don’t want to go back in time where I felt I was so drowned.

I have my family and friends, yes, but I still feel so empty, I just couldn't explain it. It’s not right anymore, it’s not gonna work and I am not holding it back everything between us because without me now, your life will be in much place. You will be seeing your true happiness in time and I am not yet so sure if my heart supports that. I just wanted to shout what’s in my heart now, I just couldn't, I already did that once and I don’t want to do it again.

I am really trying but I didn't realize that this will hurt me so much. I am not yet ready to let you go because I just don’t know how. i am even afraid to know if you have given your heart already to someone new, I am not ready for that even. I understand my feelings but I can’t find a way to comfort it. How long I will go through this? I can’t wait to see what lies ahead of me, I know there is, because I believed that in every end there’s a new beginning. I hope this is all temporary for now because I can’t bare it anymore. 

The path i walked in

I’m going to break my heart one more time again. Sometimes I find it healthy to get hurt, to feel pain, be happy at all times. It’s life, it’s something to live with. It’s something to offer to yourself for us to grow up and learn from our mistakes. When I decided to pick up those shattered pieces in my life, I was firm with that decision, I was right then. My life now is turning into something I want. No fear, just little doubts.

I always remember my mom telling us always everyday “wala’y ga-una nga gabasol” and I appreciate that while I was growing up. At this point in my life, there are few regrets but I am making it sure now I could patch up everything, it may not be the same but at least it is almost. There are a lot of things I don’t want that others will take the same path like I did, but sometimes I think people has to go through a difficult times in order to appreciate what life is. Life could give us all the happiness in the world if we only know how to appreciate it.

I am not sure if there is somebody who could tell me that he or she is brave enough to stand without tears in letting your heart be freed just from the moment you started to feel the pain inside you that not even you can explain what kind of hurt you are feeling. I was like that once, I think, but I realized that it’s easier to let go when you can cry it out what’s in your heart, it’s easier to understand why sometimes we need to go through difficult times. We tend to ask a lot of questions, we want to know the answers right away because we are doubtful if we can pass through or not, all this time the lesson I have learned is to wait for the right time, perfect moment to come where we can tell that everything happens for a reason.

Home without a mother

Life without a mother at home on Sunday is too empty I must say but I am enjoying every single chance that I have with my sissy and father. When mom died a year ago, things had been change and it’s never been easy. As an elder daughter, I have to stand, be firmed and remain strong for the family. I am not married as well as my sissy. We took care of my father who is just 54 years old, young to be a widower.

When mom died, it’s the turning point of my life. I saw myself became stronger than I was, I remained calm in every situation that comes in, and I stand in every way. Partly I am now making decisions too and I am seeing my worth in that matter. There are a lot of things we need to balance actually in our life, we have to maintain smooth relationship to our family, friends and co-workers in order to function very well. I can say that I am working on that slowly everyday.

Time is too consuming to me now, I have a great life I can say, I learned to balance everything I want to happen in my life, my work, my school, my family and friends, I can still go to the gym to cut some fats and I see some improvement on that. Discipline is the keyword.

I can say that I have grown up so fast after mom died and i ponder that a lot. I am not my mother but as she always told me before that “you can never be like me but you can be more than me and you can do more than what I have done” and everything she said is becoming my reality now. Mother’s knows best that’s my conclusion and realization. One day when I myself turn into be a mother also, probably 80 percent of me I will get it from my mother, after all my mother brought me up to this world and nurtured me and became the person whom she want me to be. 

Constructive Self-improvement

Whooaa!!! I need a shock absorber now!! as in now na!! and I just thought of blogging it rather than telling it to somebody. There’s no issue actually, it’s just a matter of misunderstanding and definitely there is just perception barrier between two parties. Anyway, that’s over now.

What I am amazed now is that, I never taught that I have changed in time, I definitely learned to control my temper, anger in some situations that arises unexpectedly. Well life has taught me a lot now, it helped me to weigh things out and personally, I learned to accept criticism for a personal self-improvement.

It’s has been a heavy day knowing that there were issues that has been brought up that I for myself don’t have any idea that it was an issue already. You know what I mean? There were just maybe gestures, reactions that other people may perceive it wrongly. No hard feelings. People come to respond from their action that has been shown or the words that has been spoken, sometimes it always differ with the approach we’ve shown to other people. One should just be resilient in accepting things the way they are or ought to be.

It’s just a mixed of emotion, I am not confused now, I am not even angry or mad, maybe what I have understand with my feelings presently is I am just wondering what really went wrong but the good thing then is, there’s a clear closure on some issues. Thanks to the people who are open minded and willing to accept constructive criticism for self-improvement. 

Kung kaya lang basahin ng tao ang lahat ng libro

I decided to change my new header. From emote2x churbabels to something I can relate to. Books? Ngee! Honestly I don’t read books, yong mga nobelang wala akong maintindihan, hindi ako love ng libro at hindi ko rin love ang libro!! Fair enough!! Hahaha even if I don’t read books, I am attracted to books, I do not know why, every time I search for a wallpaper for my desktop I always look into books, modern or an old one.

If I am going to assess myself (naging psychiatrist na ako ngayon! Haha) siguro books because there are a lot of stories behind my personality, like I have been telling lately that I am not a talky type of person noon, I seldom throw jokes or maybe I am not a humorous person pero a lot of people didn’t know that my mind so wide grin! Lels!! OO! At hindi bagay sa akin ang magjoke sa totoo lang!! hahaha kasi I always look so serious and matured whenever I talked pero magkasubokan nalang tayo! Hahaha hinahamon ko na sarili ko ngayon!! Hahaha

I chose that old books on the shelf kasi parang isang magnet talaga ang picture na yan sakin, maybe because behind that book there’s a lot of things to learn kagaya rin ng buhay ko, I have been into a lot of trials sa buhay ko, feeling ko nga ngayon ko lang nakita ang sarili ko, ngayon ko lang nabuksan ang libro ng buhay ko through this blog. Dumaan na nga ako sa depression na ngayon ko lang din naintindihan through my social work class, ichichika ko nalang sa inyo sa susunod kong entry what really happened sa depression kong iyon!! Hahaha mga chismoso at chismosa na kayo niyan!! LELS!!

Sa next na entry ko na ang chismis!! Kahit malapit na ako sa calendar kaya ko pa rin ang mambitin sa kahit anong pakiramdam pa man yan!! hahaha

If you just want to know what's my secret

I just remembered when I started to face my life after the death of my mother, I am trying to search my own soul, myself and I have been so bothered with a lot of things, there’s a lot in my mind but I couldn’t find a way to express it. I am known to a few close friend of mine that I am not a talky type person, I seldom talk about my emotions and feelings, I am afraid of giving comments because I don’t to hurt other people as much as possible.

I believed in the power of mind, kasi when I told myself that I need to break the silence, I need to express what I feel, what’s inside my heart and what I am thinking, it happened in just one click. Its TRUE that if you want it, you will have it. In the case I had, it was a week that I am emotionally unstable. After work and class I couldn’t help but cry or i always feel that anger in my heart. Since hindi ko na kaya, I decided to consult a social worker in our department to seek a professional help.

I talked to our program coordinator who is a social worker licensed. I was crying and crying, I am not satisfied sa ano man ang iniyak ko, she just let me cry everything, she gave me a room to let out all my anger, hatred and my hidden feelings that moment. Parang isang doctor lang din sya na binigyan ako ng resita, yong resita na hindi gamot but a resita na dapat kong panoorin baka sakali daw magbago ang perspective ko sa buhay.

I downloaded what she told me, I tried to watch it but sa simula pa lang nabored ako eh so I ignore it. Kebs lang ako!! In denial pa rin ako in everything to what I feel, I am starting to understand what is really going on sa sarili ko pero andon pa rin yong galit ko sa pagkawala ng mom ko dahil she died na puro pasakit ng mundo ang binigay sa kanya, okay lang kasi yong walang ibang taong involved pero dahil there are people caused her too much pain, yon ang mahirap tanggapin.

One Sunday we had a personal encounter activity sa social work class namin. We were given a chance to speak one by one our strength, weaknesses and threat sa dreams at buhay namin. So I speak for myself. I thought that’s the end. The following day I come to visit her for just a small talk, kala ko she forgot kung ano2x ang mga pinagsasabi ko pero alam pa rin niya and sobrang natinag ako to what she just told me that moment “tapos na yon!! Leave it behind, tapos na ang sa mama mo, siya yon at ikaw ang ngayon, gawin mo ang para sayo hindi para sa mama mo!!” yong halong may galit pa talaga. Wala akong masabi, parang nahiya ako na hindi ko maexplain ang feeling ko that moment. At dahil dun, yong resita na sabi ko na binigay niya, I tried to watch it, this time pinagtyagaan ko, then i have learned kung ano talaga ang gusto niya mangyari sa buhay ko and ito ako ngayon I can say I am better, I have moved on and accept those things na noon parang ang hirap2x at ang feeling ko everyday was I am always hurt. I also learned her secret in life through the resita she gave me it’s “the secret.”

You might want to watch it, baka makatulong din sa inyo. Ngayon, I am learning also to accept the law of attraction in our life. Life is a little better now kahit lagi pa rin akong confused sa mga ilang bagay!! Punyeteks!! hahaha

Kung ikarir ko na kaya ang pagiging denial queen

I have my own self-worth this time after a long silence about my life. I am a good or a great pretender in showing my true feelings, I am not a showy type of a person, I talk less either. Whenever I am sad, angry I just keep it to  myself until it will reach to it’s highest point na hindi ko na kaya at maburst out ko, sobra pa sa bomba talaga which I find it hindi maganda dahil malalim ang pinaghuhugotan ko. This is me and I am happy now that I am trying to rebuild myself in a manner that I am learning to correct my own mistakes in the past and I learned to be open with my feelings, happy man or malungkot but there are just instances na hindi pa rin nawawala sa akin yong pagiging denial queen ko lalo na pag-naiiyak na ako. Mind you kahit matigas ang mukha ko pusong mammon ako kahit hindi man bagay sa akin ang umiyak! lol

Self-worth because I manage to accept certain things in my life like ano ang ugali ko at saan galing yong ugali at pano ko ihahandle yong ugali ko. There are sensitive issues in my life that I considered, una na yong about sa panghuhusga ng ibang tao sa akin dahil yon ang nakikita lang nila without even asking me kung ano nga ba talaga. Slowly i am trying to understand that minsan we need to be open para Makita natin kung ano ba talaga ang gusto natin sa buhay at ano or san tayo mag-aadjust para wala tayong maapakan na ibang tao.

I am happy now that I gave myself a challenge also na dito sa pagbablog, maging open ako to whatever feelings that I have, may transparency in all the things na gagawin ko sa buhay ko and to share my thoughts, views, ideas without any hesitations and limitations. Chos!! Hehehe maniwala man kayo o hindi, seryos ako sa mga pinagsasabi ko!! Haha (ewan ko nalang kung maniwala pa kayo kung tumatawa ako sa ending!! Haha)

Maitim + white balak = Gray na balak

I was supposed to write an entry last night but since sobrang BADTRIP ako kahapon kaya I slept early nalang. I have been thinking to burst it out what I felt yesterday but I chose not to nalang because I might say words that is not appropriate at mas lalong maging masama ang tingin ng ibang tao sa akin. KEBS ko nalang!!!

This time I have come to many realizations in life that sometimes you just have to go on to your own battle alone, decide without asking other’s opinion and kill them silently!!! Hahaha I’ve come to think that the battle and competition in life is always there beside us, we just tend to ignore it because we uphold our values and traditions yet there are just some people doesn’t care what we feel. So ngayon, ito lang ang masasabi ko, HUMANDA kayo!!! I have been so reliant to other people NOON pero ngayon I am starting to live and believe on my own capacity to do and choose decisions as long as I have God with me. Everything will be fine I know.

Life must go on, I know my anger will last for a day or couple of days. Depende. (rarrr..lol) one thing I can assure myself now, I will not give myself fully to the people whom the same may mga maitim na balak sa akin!! Kahit anong maputing balak pa ang nasa akin kung maitim naman sa kanila, maging gray yon so meaning black still prevails!! LOL dahil maging gray ang balak ko sure ako hindi naman ganon kabrutal ang mangyayari!! hahaha

bahala na basta ang alam ko I will do it my way!!! Come and see it!!! 

It was designed to teach me

From my old blog 2 years ago...

When we look back on how we lived our lives, made decisions, chose paths to take and realize that we regret doing the things we’ve done, the choices we’ve made and the roads we chose to follow. There should be no room for regrets because everything in our lives happened for a reason. A purpose…all events and choices lead us to where we ought to be. Our destiny…so we have no reason at all.

Things happen because they are designed to teach you something. Every step you take, positive or not, you will find hurdles in your way, discouraging you, willing you to fail.  Sometimes you give in and do fail. And other times, you don’t. But with each passing hurdle, each fall, you are carved into a different person, just like the molten iron which must be beaten before it attains its final beauty and form. Remember that life was designed to give you that splendor of shape and sinew, and that it could never have been achieved with you making the mistakes you made and realizing them never to make them again. Regrets come in the way of your will to never make the same mistakes again and if it were for them, you would just end up getting beaten harder and harder, till the iron smith realizes you cannot be carved and throws you away for good.

Moving on will help you make yourself into something and someone that you, yourself can respect, despite the hand of fate or destiny or incidents in making you that person.

My shifting dreams

This is an archive from my old blog, one of my favorite emotions and thoughts before. I never thought that those visualizations i came through across my life's journey has became my real life and world now.

I could still remember how we used to dream together with my colleagues, how we wanted to be on the top of the mountain, you see I  dreamt to be an architect one day, I never thought that those dreams later than will just shift into some sort of who I actually desire to be and perhaps born to be. nevertheless, things take place for a reason and I’m thankful to the office where I belong now, that helped me to open my eyes in all the possibilities in life and helped me restore myself as well, it helped me to reconstruct my dream and begin to believe that I can have it. Shifting dreams is not that easy, I found my world but it was not my life then. We are born to be great, to accomplish something of worth for which you came into the world for. It has been said that life is nothing more than a search – a continuous search for a cause to live and die for, to be governed by the thought and dreams and propelled by a concealed urge to achieve.  It is unconscious, it is automatic. It is that nagging feeling tugs at you when you are alone, that there is something more. There’s always something more.

I have to open my eyes to full potential. I have to learn to treasure ourselves, know our worth, and look deep into ourselves to discover who we really are and what we came to this earth for. Only then can we be able not to fear our own greatness.

Life has to start again

In those distress times of my life, I turn into blogging. I kept myself in silence, I pretend that everything is okay; I certainly believed that one day things will fall into its proper place. Blog has been a friend of mine for the last 3 to 4 years; there are sensitive issues in the past, family, personal, relationships, job and the like. I decided to re-arrange back my blog, dropped those pity issues and life has to start again as I go back to school and accept all the things that’s happening to me.

This is the turning point of my life where I am going to face it without my mom’s guidance this time. There are a lot of stories to tell, wisdom to share and experiences to be learned. As I will start my life being a student tomorrow, I know this will be the beginning of what I really wanted to be, what I should have been and the only thing that I know now is that I will never repeat the same mistakes again; I will do more in everything that I will do.

There are just a lot of reasons why things happen this way, I may not know why now but maybe later, I hope. There are still things I don’t understand, there are still situations I can’t accept, I tried to be strong in all the circumstances that comes my way but my strength is not enough still.

I am excited for the first day of class; the class that I know will hurt me at the same time because it will always remind me of my mom. Her memories will forever remain in my heart, her wisdom, her commitment to her profession where I know I will have it the same in the future.