Sniff pa! Singhot pa more!

I’ve realized something today, definitely YES! I know I’m going to regret it for the next five years!?! Yeah! 5 years! Wtf! Ain’t?! I was looking at my old passport and then there boom! Yeyeeh! I looked like a drug addict & a pusher! Hahaha I went to dfa today and one hell of a day almost ang hinugot ko and I am trying to convince myself that moment that YES finally! Oh! This is my chance to at least improve my picture and be happy for the next five years again!?! Ek..ek..klavu processing… wwoooottt!! Anak ni darna kung meron man yan! Pls wag ng ibigay ang bato! Futeks!! If I look like a drug addict nong old passport ko wow! Kumusta naman ang new passport ko, I look like now a drug lord! Wtf! Right?! Shit eh! Hahahahahaa I just couldn’t move on for a while until now! Holy crap! Holy ninja!!! Wala na akong magawa! So keber na sa mga ninja titingin ng passport ko!

Just right after my dfa appointment, I finally got my planner, an early present from teacher kat. Wwwoooottt.. kendeng, kendeng, galaw galaw para hindi mastroke ang taba! Chos! Hahaha Thanks teacher kat for this & it was so sweet and thoughtful of you. I’ll keep in mind that wish, not just for me or you but sa atin yon dalawa! Hahaha wwooott! He will come in the most perfect time and unexpected place. Charrrooottt sa ating dalawa! Hahahaha Cross my fingers that mapuno ko itong planner na ito with God's grace for the year 2015!! 

Humanda ang 2015 ko nito!
AYAN OH! bday ko! haha

Ang sweet ni teacher kat kasing
 sweet ng pusa niya haha

I just love my day totally! Lalo na having a 3 hour straight random conversation with a dear friend! Wwoott! Like imyang said “ate it’s been a while we talked serious stuff!” chos! Hahaha oo! Kasi ngayon we can’t have any proper conversation kasi may bonjing na kami at isang nognog so wwweezz chance puro nalang kalokohan! That’s what this big four do most of the time! Ayey!  

"imyang"
May ganyan! feeling
sensitive case lang ito! lol

"Si nognog at bonjing"
bentang benta ang dalawang ito kaya
para iwas gulo na, tinakpan ang
kalahati ng mukha! chos! 

ang happy signpen na
ballpen ko! haha

Ang babaw ko lang then pag-uwi ko, no joke, I was looking for an old notebook of mine nong nag-aaral pa ako and guess what I’ve found, yes! My ballpen na signpen din! Hahaha natuwa ako! Shit lang! wwwooott! I’ve been looking for this kasi ang alam ko talaga may ganito akong pen eh, kaso nawala so ito na nakita ko na! hahaha

Ay last, this is for a friend, a long time friend who is currently in Japan – like I said, hold on to whatever you are going through, just remember that you always have us, you have a home when you get back soon & we will always be your wings in case you’ll be losing some of your feathers.

Life is so real & beautiful if we just learn to appreciate the small things & acknowledge those people na minsan natulungan ka at andon sila sa moment you have nothing! Thank you & hoping one day I will be given the chance to share also my gratitude to others! (natatakot talaga ako kapag nagiging so seryos ang ending kasi ito na nga ang signs na guguho na ang mundo charrooottt lang! hahaha) wwooottt. tambling tambling ikot ikot and splleettttsss. wooottt.

4 Nights and 5 Days

Lemeeee begin with a simple twerking dance. Charrooottss hahaha wooootttt… pap-parap-pap-pap!!!

How i started my stay.

YES!!! Yes because I spent 4 nights and 5 days sa isang branch ng center namin na nag-sheshelter ng mga batang survivor ng sexually abuse (we term it survivor dahil strength based tayo this time, that is according to unicef) 

Yes dahil patapos na ang aking practicum and I had the opportunity na pumunta sa Malaybalay, Bukidnon dahil ang 5^th case ko is doon sya nashelter kaya I need to stay so I can conduct sessions and study sa bata. Sa 3 months na I spent my days sa main center, talagang na-compressed ko in 5 days doon, kulang na kulang yong oras talaga but yon lang kasi ang oras na pwedi sakin because may subjects pa akong naiwan pero kung wala malamang 4 months magrequest akong don ako titira hahaha

Anyways, nakakastress man dahil yong case ko

This is my 2nd day. Bonding time in the pineapple plantation.

is medyo different from the usual case I had such as yong sibling and incest case. Ito is quite different dahil sabi ng social worker sa center (supervisor ko), kailangan ko i-dig ang kaso ng bata then she said “this is your 5^th case, this must be a tough one so it fits for you” naahh!! When I read it, boom!! Yes it’s different talaga kasi the incident happened 2 years ago, that is according to the child but there’s more than that when I discovered it nong nagpapamedico legal na kami. Isipin mong 3 hours kami sa women’s desk. Iyak dito, iyak doon, hawak sa upuan sabay pasok ung ulo don sa ilalim ng upuan. Ayaw niya magpapamedico legal. We respect that of course but if walang medico legal kasi walang case na mafifile so maiwang Malaya yong taong nag-aabuse nong bata. 

School visit. We fetched them also after our appointment.

The child is responsive sa mga tanong ng doctor pero once magsstart na yong papahiga na sya biglang nalulugmok na naman sya and started to cry out loud and telling us that “ayoko, ayoko because ang dami ng nakakakita nakakahiya na” okay, again we respect that and everybody decided to leave the room pero wala pa ren its almost 5:30 in the afternoon and we failed na mapamedico legal yong bata.

kids loves picture taking. sorry i covered their face bawal kasi.

Pero after 3 days I think, na convince rin namin siya for medico legal and this time we’re hoping na it’s real na talaga. Tinupad naman niya pero half lang ang nakita kasi yong other half eh hindi pwedi mahawakan or ma-open lalo kasi daw super sakit. Sabi ng doctor, hindi nalang ipilit total kahit incomplete daw eh positive naman daw yong bata na na-abuse at pwedi na daw magfile ng case. But then, yong discovery ko about the kid mas lumalim ng lumalim kaya sabi ko talaga sa social worker naming sa center na puntahan ko sya sa bukidnon so I can spend time with her and maintindihan ko yong running case niya. Pero nalaman ko din na hindi na-file yong case dahil minor yong lalaki (CICL) naakkk!! Naman!! Pwedi bang ibalik ang death penalty!? So ano ito? Aantayin yong lalaki na darating sa tamang edad saka i-aarrest? But the minor (abuser) will go to a diversion program ata something basta ang alam ko now, walang case na na-file, so ibig sabihin non pagala-gala pa rin yong lalaki. 

This what i do after our appointment in the city. Stress reliever.

Staying sa center for 4 nights and 5 days, ang dami kong natutunan sa mga bata. I was also amazed doon sa time we spent na nag-gather kami ng mga woods at twigs, we all have our small talks, sabi nila they used to gather woods and sell it as well as they know pano mapa-amo yong cow at carabao pero natuwa talaga ako don sa part na pauwi na kami at yong isang bata kumuha ng itak with all the feelings na tinadtad yong katawan ng gemilina tree and sabi nong isang bata “HOY! Bakit mo yan tinadtad!” ang sagot ng bata “kasi sinugatan niya yong paa ko!” hahaha yong kasama kong intern napaupo kakatawa kasi naisip pa yon ng bata lol well it was really fun to be with them kaso kulang talaga sa time, we’re just looking forward to see them all here sa cdo sa upcoming family day ng mga bata where their family and social workers will come to visit and spend time with them. 

So back with my case again, ibang iba siya sa center sa panahon na magkasama kami sa hospital dahil mas nakita ko yong pagiging makulit niya at maingay sa lahat ng bagay, magaling din siyang kumanta at sumayaw. Sabi ko nga sa kanya na sa last night naming sumayaw siya, sinagot niya ako “wala akong damit, wala akong bracelets at hanky” part kasi siya ng indigenous group kaya ganon nalang, specific siya. Hahaha 

A time to gather woods and twigs for bone fire.

So much for that, madami man paperworks sa center, dami ko man iniisip, all the pictures na makikita niyo is yon ang time we tried to compressed it maspend sa mga bata. We also went to their school para Makita kung ano ba sila kapag nasa skwelahan, they are really proud and sikat na sikat sila sa school nila dahil at that time we brought a camera with us so we took pictures and everybody is looking at them. Doon naman sa pinya plantation, marunong na marunong silang mag-identify ng matamis na pinya they also taught me how to get a pinya, yong kailangan mo pang ikotin yong buong pinya para makuha mo sya don sa crown niya. At ang best part sa stay namin is yong family night namin na gumawa ako ng “bannock” na i-wwrap sa hotdog. They’re only seven sa center ng bukidnon kaya na-afford namin ng co-intern kong sagotin ang hotdog at bannock hahahaha hindi kasi naming carry sa main center dahil there are 20 of them. So yon ang adventure ko sa Malaybalay Bukidnon sa 4 nights and 5 days. And oo nga pala, paguwi ko, lagnat inabot ko dahil sa weather doon, isipin mo nalang yong cold water na iniinom natin galing ng fridge natin yon lang ang normal na lamig ng tubig kapag naliligo ka. Hahaha halos hindi nga ako nakakainom ng water don most of the time I had 4 cups of coffee a day. wooott!! Hahahaha 

This the finale. Last night in the center.

So ito lang muna, I will be very busy in the next 2 to 3 weeks kasi I have deadline ng october 12 at family day ng october 11 so still we’re looking for benefactors to help us build a study area for the girls in the center so they will start to build their dreams too and believe that there will always a dream waiting for them. You and I can be a part of the child’s dream. God bless everyone!! Happy blogging. Woootttt!!! Pakkk-parak-pak!! Hehehehe 

Home without a mother

Life without a mother at home on Sunday is too empty I must say but I am enjoying every single chance that I have with my sissy and father. When mom died a year ago, things had been change and it’s never been easy. As an elder daughter, I have to stand, be firmed and remain strong for the family. I am not married as well as my sissy. We took care of my father who is just 54 years old, young to be a widower.

When mom died, it’s the turning point of my life. I saw myself became stronger than I was, I remained calm in every situation that comes in, and I stand in every way. Partly I am now making decisions too and I am seeing my worth in that matter. There are a lot of things we need to balance actually in our life, we have to maintain smooth relationship to our family, friends and co-workers in order to function very well. I can say that I am working on that slowly everyday.

Time is too consuming to me now, I have a great life I can say, I learned to balance everything I want to happen in my life, my work, my school, my family and friends, I can still go to the gym to cut some fats and I see some improvement on that. Discipline is the keyword.

I can say that I have grown up so fast after mom died and i ponder that a lot. I am not my mother but as she always told me before that “you can never be like me but you can be more than me and you can do more than what I have done” and everything she said is becoming my reality now. Mother’s knows best that’s my conclusion and realization. One day when I myself turn into be a mother also, probably 80 percent of me I will get it from my mother, after all my mother brought me up to this world and nurtured me and became the person whom she want me to be. 

Recharge, Reborn, Rebuild Life

Weekend has been busy, i tried to learn the word “determination” and “motivation” in losing my weight! (lels!! Hahaha) seriously, I woke up so early to take a jog (Saturday) and a long walk by 5am (Sunday) and my jogging buddy suggested that I should enrol myself to the gym where she used to go, so right after we had a jog last Saturday TADAAHH!! we went to the gym and apply for a losing program. This time I need to work on things because sayang yong pera na pinambayad!! Hahaha ok so here is my plan now, hoping to be consistent in what I do and will not stop doing things I started.

One major reasons to lose weight is yong goiter ko, hindi pa naman halata pero it’s already there (it runs in the family genes) so for whatever operation in the future at least my body is ready for that, second is practicum will be coming so soon, a year from now so I need to fix myself because of the uniforms and I will be working on the field so I should be physically fit and lastly for some personal reasons also. (akin nalang yon muna? Hehehehe)

I am happy of what I am doing now kasi it helps me to be so busy in my life, pretending not to have problems, trying not to think about it because I don’t need to be so depressed on some matters. Classes starts next week the same so definitely I will learn to adapt “multi-tasking” job in my daily routing. Waking up early to prepare for work, after work I will be going to school and drop myself to the gym even for an hour, well I hope things will work out the way I think now.

I won’t lose this chance of losing and gaining something in my life, it’s I think about I need a change of routine, a change of points of view. Life has been tough to me in the past years and I want to see life differently so I am starting to rebuild myself, I will try burn what I had in the past and learn to live what has been given to me presently, future will come soon as long as I will complete what I want in my life now, everything will follow anyways. =) 

If you just want to know what's my secret

I just remembered when I started to face my life after the death of my mother, I am trying to search my own soul, myself and I have been so bothered with a lot of things, there’s a lot in my mind but I couldn’t find a way to express it. I am known to a few close friend of mine that I am not a talky type person, I seldom talk about my emotions and feelings, I am afraid of giving comments because I don’t to hurt other people as much as possible.

I believed in the power of mind, kasi when I told myself that I need to break the silence, I need to express what I feel, what’s inside my heart and what I am thinking, it happened in just one click. Its TRUE that if you want it, you will have it. In the case I had, it was a week that I am emotionally unstable. After work and class I couldn’t help but cry or i always feel that anger in my heart. Since hindi ko na kaya, I decided to consult a social worker in our department to seek a professional help.

I talked to our program coordinator who is a social worker licensed. I was crying and crying, I am not satisfied sa ano man ang iniyak ko, she just let me cry everything, she gave me a room to let out all my anger, hatred and my hidden feelings that moment. Parang isang doctor lang din sya na binigyan ako ng resita, yong resita na hindi gamot but a resita na dapat kong panoorin baka sakali daw magbago ang perspective ko sa buhay.

I downloaded what she told me, I tried to watch it but sa simula pa lang nabored ako eh so I ignore it. Kebs lang ako!! In denial pa rin ako in everything to what I feel, I am starting to understand what is really going on sa sarili ko pero andon pa rin yong galit ko sa pagkawala ng mom ko dahil she died na puro pasakit ng mundo ang binigay sa kanya, okay lang kasi yong walang ibang taong involved pero dahil there are people caused her too much pain, yon ang mahirap tanggapin.

One Sunday we had a personal encounter activity sa social work class namin. We were given a chance to speak one by one our strength, weaknesses and threat sa dreams at buhay namin. So I speak for myself. I thought that’s the end. The following day I come to visit her for just a small talk, kala ko she forgot kung ano2x ang mga pinagsasabi ko pero alam pa rin niya and sobrang natinag ako to what she just told me that moment “tapos na yon!! Leave it behind, tapos na ang sa mama mo, siya yon at ikaw ang ngayon, gawin mo ang para sayo hindi para sa mama mo!!” yong halong may galit pa talaga. Wala akong masabi, parang nahiya ako na hindi ko maexplain ang feeling ko that moment. At dahil dun, yong resita na sabi ko na binigay niya, I tried to watch it, this time pinagtyagaan ko, then i have learned kung ano talaga ang gusto niya mangyari sa buhay ko and ito ako ngayon I can say I am better, I have moved on and accept those things na noon parang ang hirap2x at ang feeling ko everyday was I am always hurt. I also learned her secret in life through the resita she gave me it’s “the secret.”

You might want to watch it, baka makatulong din sa inyo. Ngayon, I am learning also to accept the law of attraction in our life. Life is a little better now kahit lagi pa rin akong confused sa mga ilang bagay!! Punyeteks!! hahaha

Age is not unlimited like globe telecom

There is a mixed emotion that I myself don’t even understand what the hell is going on with me and my current emotions. I feel so empty. I think that’s the right word. I tried to search and find myself. I keep on pretending that I am okay, na kaya ko ang lahat even my heart bleeds. i have my friends with me na nakakasabay kong tumawa pero after ng tawa biglang wala na naman, I feel empty pa rin.

Maybe dumating na sa point ng life ko that i am ready to re-open my heart again, ready ako pero I am not even sure enough kung kaya ko ba. I know I have my dreams now, I am working with my dreams and even that I found that fulfillment parang may kulang pa rin. I am trying to search what I really want now, I keep on reading, talking  pero there’s still kulang in between.

 

I believed that we don’t need to search for the person we want to love for, it will just come on the time the least we expect to an unexpected place. How long I will have to wait for him. Parang ang bilis ng panahon ngayon, sa dami ng ginagawa natin sa buhay araw2x mas lalong mabilis ang oras lumiit din ang mundo. I felt that hindi na tayo aabot sa 70^thbirthday natin para makapagblog ng makapagblog, unlimited nato pero ang buhay natin hindi naman kasing unlimited ng globe or smart. Lol

 

Midlife sickness or crisis ata tong naramdaman ko ngayon!! Hahaha punyetahs!!! hahaha

Behind resurgence blog

I have been blogging kung ano2x lately but I forgot to tell something kung ano nga ba ang ibig sabihin  ng resurgence, this means revival. Revival kasi  I could say now na I am ready to open everything what’s on my mind without any  hesitation or limitation, before I always have this apprehension of sharing my life because I am afraid to be judged or hindi ko lang talaga type magkwento ng kung ano2x sa buhay ko. Ngayon dahil mas naging makapal ang mukha ko kaya ikarir ko nato!! Lol

Resurgence kasi ito na ang bago kong buhay, I could say now that I have a new life in blogging, I have tried a lot of times noon magblog pero dahil feeling ko wala akong makwento kaya hindi natutuloy ang karir ko sa blog plus the fact that I am conscious with what I am going to tell the world but now wala ng conscious2x na yan, kung baga bahala na si superman sa akin ngayon!!

 

I have changed a lot I know, I always tell that to my closest friends that the person you knew in me before is not the person anymore now. Mas naging open minded ako when I started to study social work, it has a great influence in my life dahil ito ako ngayon nagsusulat, nagbblog, may lakas ng loob magsabi kung ano ang nangyayari sa buhay ko whereas noon as much as possible I want it everything in private, ngayon LADLARAN nato!! Hahaha open arms and open legs na kung baga!! Hahaha yes hello!! Go!! 

Tatlong araw na nawala ako

It has been a long weekend for me, I took the 9 hours class last Saturday and my brain starts to deplete. It’s good that after class I joined my friends to unwind and went home by 1 in the morning I think. The whole Sunday, TULOG ako!! Hahaha yesterday was draining the same. I took my two major exam and the fuck!!! Dugong dugo yong utak ko!!

Bago ako nagtake ng exam kumain pa ako sa chowking at guess what nag-halo2x ulit ako, ng matapos ang exam ko punyets! Sa sobrang pagod ng utak ko nawala ang kinain kong worth 150php hahaha and I went to Jollibee to order one chicken burger with extra large fries and large pineapple, at kinarir kong kainin magisa yon!! Hahaha nawawala ang diet ko puteks!! Hahaha

I went home na sobrang pagod na pagod pa rin ako so I decided to sleep early. Today, I feel so fresh parang bagong bago na naman ang araw ko  ngayon. Mahirap talaga abotin ang isang pangarap ano pero once it’s already there, I know it’s all worth the wait din naman! 

i understand yet i'm confused

If I wasn’t able to take up the course of social work now, probably hindi ganito kabangag ang utak ko ngayon!! I have been so confused in my career and life now after studying the theories. Nauna kasi ang field practice ko bago ko nalaman ang theories, meaning nakapagtrabaho ako sa social welfare office before I decided to take up social work course. But one of the biggest reason why I took up the course because I wanted to follow my mom’s legacy and on the other side as I have mentioned in the previous post I had, there are personal and professional issues I wanted to finish.

If I was too assertive noon sa work ko, ngayon parang I got bored already. Kung noon kaya ko makipagusap sa tao kahit higit sampu sa isang araw and puro problema ang pinaguusapan niyo ngayon parang ewan hindi ko alam I am really confused yon talaga ang nafefeel ko!! I took a break already, walang trabaho and walang school lessons kasi nagkasakit ako pero when I got back to the world I used to have, ganon at ganon pa rin ang feeling ko. (kailangan ko na atang magpacounseling nito lol)

Knowing the deeper thought of social work, I have realized that it is not just a matter of helping people but a better understanding in every situation that we have in our life. Hindi naman ako pagod sa work ko, ito ang passion ko at I know ito ang gusto ko pero there’s something behind this, hindi ko lang siguro na-eexpress kung ano or hindi ko lang talaga alam kung ano nga ba talaga, noon I found my contentment in life ngayon hindi ko na nararamdaman yon, even satisfaction in work, wala na rin ako, I felt like I already grew up and I still want more of what I am doing now.

Isumpa ko na kaya ang social work na course ano?! Hahaha punyets talaga!! Lumubo utak ko ng malaman ko ang mga katotohanan sa paligid natin!! I understand yet I am confused, pano ko ijujustify yan? =(

Kung ikarir ko na kaya ang pagiging denial queen

I have my own self-worth this time after a long silence about my life. I am a good or a great pretender in showing my true feelings, I am not a showy type of a person, I talk less either. Whenever I am sad, angry I just keep it to  myself until it will reach to it’s highest point na hindi ko na kaya at maburst out ko, sobra pa sa bomba talaga which I find it hindi maganda dahil malalim ang pinaghuhugotan ko. This is me and I am happy now that I am trying to rebuild myself in a manner that I am learning to correct my own mistakes in the past and I learned to be open with my feelings, happy man or malungkot but there are just instances na hindi pa rin nawawala sa akin yong pagiging denial queen ko lalo na pag-naiiyak na ako. Mind you kahit matigas ang mukha ko pusong mammon ako kahit hindi man bagay sa akin ang umiyak! lol

Self-worth because I manage to accept certain things in my life like ano ang ugali ko at saan galing yong ugali at pano ko ihahandle yong ugali ko. There are sensitive issues in my life that I considered, una na yong about sa panghuhusga ng ibang tao sa akin dahil yon ang nakikita lang nila without even asking me kung ano nga ba talaga. Slowly i am trying to understand that minsan we need to be open para Makita natin kung ano ba talaga ang gusto natin sa buhay at ano or san tayo mag-aadjust para wala tayong maapakan na ibang tao.

I am happy now that I gave myself a challenge also na dito sa pagbablog, maging open ako to whatever feelings that I have, may transparency in all the things na gagawin ko sa buhay ko and to share my thoughts, views, ideas without any hesitations and limitations. Chos!! Hehehe maniwala man kayo o hindi, seryos ako sa mga pinagsasabi ko!! Haha (ewan ko nalang kung maniwala pa kayo kung tumatawa ako sa ending!! Haha)

Stepping back

I started to believe in my dreams again to the new profession I chose to commit in life, to trust in myself once more, to regain back everything that has been lost and to set another goal to reach. There are a lot of things in the past why I failed in life, but still I am thankful for those failures because it helped me to become the person of who I am now.

There was once a dream that someday I will be an architect but I accepted the reality that yes it has been my world but it was never really my life. I am pointing it that my world spins on it but the profession never gave me life. There’s always a great pride there why I didn’t give up pushing the course even if I already have a hard time dealing with my subjects already. A pride wherein I know that there are just a few women in that field who succeeded in the profession, plus the fact that everybody knows you are good in math and can impressed people because definitely you can draw! I know I can make it but there are a lot of circumstances came in my life at that time, I couldn’t get the concentration I want, I easily get discouraged whenever I heard bad news or situations within the family, I was really lost, I admit that. I have no one to talk to about my personal problems; I don’t trust myself so how can I trust others.

I wasted my years but I did not regret because I believed that every mistake or decision that we make in our life, we are responsible to whatever it will lead us to take. I fall but I learned to get up on my own!

A lot of things in the past I didn’t do which I want it to do it now. To me, it’s not yet too late to correct mistakes, in fact I am learning on it. Sometimes I just laughed at those blunder because now I am doing the things which I didn’t do before. The motto that I have now in my life is “I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes again!” I find it so funny everytime I thought of that because I couldn’t believe that I actually do things now that I don’t do it. Given example there was whenever there is a class reporting, role play, oral quiz well expect me to be absent on that day. I was lack of self-confidence and I was afraid of standing in front of my classmates but now gaining it through time, experience and mistakes, I always make it sure that I am on the first batch, first one to do the task given.

It’s really a long journey in my life already, I may not know everything yet because I am still learning every moment I lived my life now but one thing I am thankful now is that I see the different person in me, I was not anymore the person with a lot of fears. I started to believed in what I can do for myself and to others, what I can give without expecting anything in return and social work profession has helped me opened my eyes to reality, my heart to my real emotions and my life for a completion.  

Leaving the old tracks

I was about to make my write up for my English class when I thought of arranging my old books first before I will sit and plan for tomorrow’s assignment. I saw my old architecture books and it reminds me of the life that I had way back there, those memories and learning’s. This is the quote I came up with when I decided to shift my world, “architecture has been my world, but it was never my life after all” – it means that once in my life, I dreamt to be an architect, to be part of the elite community, to stand proud and prove that I can make it even if I am a woman yet my fate shifted unexpectedly.

I dropped that dream, it was a profound and major decision but I stood despite of the hurtful words came from other people. Later on, I have gradually gained my confidence again and eventually I learned to accept that there are things even how much you want it, you can’t have it. I started to work in the social services and there, I have found my life. I felt the contentment whenever I knew I have helped people who are in need. If I was happy with my old world or my old life, I am happier when I started to feel the fulfillment in serving our less fortunate brothers and sisters.

Moreover, when I was done arranging those books, finally I’ve told myself that it’s about time and I am ready to let go what I have had in the past, I am now willing to give or re-sell those books in a half or one-fourth of the original price, this is the time I could finally say that everything is over and I am happy with the new environment and the life where my world is spinning now, I am glad to take part to the social work program of Lourdes College.