Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Christmas without you

Today is the last day of August and tomorrow will be the start of “BER” September, October, November and December. This means that Christmas is almost again to happen. Personally, there would be a lot of changes this year. We will celebrate Christmas without my mom.

Sometimes I don’t want to mention about my mom because it always reminds me of what life we have been, what pain we went through, I always remember how much she suffered from pain because of the people wants to see her in despair. I could always think of revenge but what will be the benefit I will have if I take an action soon, what I could get, it’s nothing!  

I am trying to reconstruct my life now; I am starting all over again. I am trying to move on and forget what we have been. Christmas won’t be the same without mom, I am sure of that. Gonna miss her chocolate cake, humba, chicken binacol, sapin-sapin, ube jam, suman, etc. all I wish that someday whatever pain I have now will be healed soon.

I am facing now the greatest challenge in my life, to prove and stand in behalf of my mom, I know I will never be like her but one thing I know, I can do something more. There are still unfinished issues in my life and I want to start it now without any hesitations. This time I am willing to face whatever failures will come my way, I guess I am now ready to face another chapter of my life with bravery.  Like what I always told myself, “I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes again!” it will never be a perfect journey but at least now I am trying to give more what I have given in the past. 

Random thoughts came

I have been busy lately so I was not able to update my personal blog. It is I think also my choice to keep myself again away from emotions and thoughts. I’ve been dealing a lot personally and I just want to escape it for a moment. I gave a thought that one day I am going to treat myself outside the city, a place where I can only see mountains, rivers and trees, I just wanted to ease the pain I felt it, I just want to run away from reality.

When I started to go back to school, I decided to leave everything behind, my old blog which has been my life, my world and a friend to me. I told myself now that I am going to take another hit this time, another world where I can jive in, I can talk with my emotions, my feelings, my thoughts and my passion. I am not good in writing, but I certainly believed that in blogging, no one will correct you; no one orders you what to write. One motto I have in blogging was “blog ko ‘to, wag kang makialam, gumawa ka ng sarili mo lol!”

It has been tough to leave the old life and start a new one, in all things. I am not sure if this time; I will find the happiness I found in my old blog, I am not also sure if this time everything will be real. I am still sure of giving my all, myself to the things I love to do, my passion in blogging. Life is different now, it may be hard but I know it’s the best way after all. 

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