May acido ata sa dugo ko

I am trying to hold my patience to peple na walang ginawa but to pull you down, doesn’t like what you do, naiinggit, at ayaw magpatalo sa mga simpleng bagay. Gusto ko man harapin ang mga taong ganyan, I just can’t. tan-eneng minsan tong new course pinasukan ko dahil the first principle is “acceptance” tanggapin lahat ng tao dahil bawat tao ay unique, may kanya-kanyang ugali at values na pinamana ng mga magulang nila, this principle hold my values, nurtured me to be a better person din! Pigil na pigil na ako sa lagay na ito ha! Hahaha I just don’t care anymore what other people say this time, hindi tulad dati na super reaction paper ako, iyak kagad, ganon ako ka-weak, ngayon nasobrahan, naging bato slight! Para lang sa mga tao yan na makapal ang mukha!! Pero sa mga tao, bata at matanda nasa daan or institution, kung pwedi lang ayaw ko ng tingnan o kausapin kasi di ko mapigilan umiyak! Hahaha chos!! Totoo! Walng jowk! Hahaha hindi ko kayah teh!!

Mahapdi ang mga dugo na dumadaloy sa katawan ko now! meganun talaga! Dagdag pa ang background na kanta “I’m almost over you!” lenteks na pag-eemo nakakadala nga! Ayoko na nito! Dumudugo na pati ilong ko! Hindi na ako bitter sa pagkakaalam ko pero nakakamiss naman yong tao minsan, the things you two used to do! (alam ko ang nasa isip mo, hindi yon! Oki? Hahaha) aray na aray ako talaga ngayon! Hahaha bakit ba kasi may background music pa while nagbblog ako! Dagdag hapdi sa katawan lang! kahapon until kanina, slight inis na inis ako sa kasama kong pakialamera tapos ng dahil sa kanta, ito shifted into different mood. Resilient ako eh walang makikialam! Hahaha Parang gusto ko ‘tong mood na emo-emohan kaysa nagagalit ako, tatanda ako maaga teh!! Hahaha malapit na akong maiyak dito sa opisina dahil dito sa “can’t you see – tiffany” hahahaha pigil na pigil na ako mga teh!! Malapit na talaga to!!

Stop, stop, stop… ayoko na! hahaha tanggap ko na ha, in fairness to me, but heller naman baket di ko pa masyadong kereh ang mga love songs!! Mag 2013 na at mag-vavalentines na naman! Hahahaha ang bilis ng panahon! Wag lang mag end of the world, okay lang mag pag-asa pa! hahaha shonganga na ako, iba ang introduction ko sa ending phase ko!! Hahahaha ayaw pa rin tumigil ng kanta, kailangan ko na ata burahin ang mga kantang ‘to! Hahaha cold feet and hands ang nakukuha ko ngayon! Walang effect ang kapeh-kat na ininom ko habang ginagawa ko to!

Basta yan na yan ngayon, hahaha

Define me

I am tempted to look into your account, I wanted to know kumusta ka na, ano ang bago or sino ang bago but I chose not to do it because I know it will just kill me. It was the best of time, best relationship I’ve got, the best love I know and good memories to keep. Like I said lagi, I need to rationalize the thing that is happening so I will learn to stand and fight my emotions. Yes, I am strong but I know I am weak inside, I just don’t dare to show it. I wanted to cry all over again but to me kapag iiyak pa ako ng iiyak, para saan pa kaya yon? Wala na. it’s over and hindi na maibabalik lahat. It’s painful pero kailangan panindigan, I always believe in every end may bagong darating. Wish to see that pagbabago now, as in now na talaga!! I don’t want to wait it everyday!!

It bothers me kapag may nakikita akong bagay that will remind me of you, songs that I used to hear it from you. Ang definition ko sa move on is kapag may nakita kang mga bagay na madalas niyong ginagawa, you will not feel something anymore at kaya mo ng tingnan at pakinggan kung ano man iyon. I am trying to go back to the places we used to hang out, once again pinapakinggan yong kanta I used to hear and paks!!! There’s still a bit pain in my heart, so? Hindi pa ako nakapag-move on?! Ganon lang ba yon!? Hahaha

No one knows truly what I feel except this blog, I wanted to say it pero  no one will believe na I was really hurt, kasi nga matapang ako!! Hahaha everybody thinks that kaya kong ihandle lahat ng problema pero sometimes I fall down. I am waiting for the right time to say na yes! Finally ok na ako! Pero for now, it’s already been months and walang nagbago. Mahirap no?! feeling ko now this is a battle between my career and love life, and I am choosing my career over my own happiness. Feeling ko lang naman. Lels!! Maybe if I have the chance to choose again and if it is only right for us, I don’t know why I still choose you, maybe yan ang feeling ko for now but later it will change kapag move on na ako ng todo-todo! I just missed you, your smiles, jokes and being annoying late at night. Wherever you are now, whoever you are with, i hope there’s always a part of you that remains about me. 

Secret comfort zone

I am not ready to reveal what my real feelings towards other people, this blog site, I am keeping this for long, I kept it as a secret to my family, friends and acquaintances either, I am not afraid to be judged by them, I know who are real and not. It is just a choice not to tell them about it because I just don’t want it. I’d rather trust people who have same passion virtually than sharing these to people I know they will just talk about you. I take this as my secret comfort zone and I’d rather leave it that way.

What I have shared here is different of how they see me personally, I am stiff, I have strong personality, straight forward, I tell directly what I want and don’t, I sometimes want things to be done immediately, growing up now I have learned to value time that’s why I hate procrastination. I always insist that yes I have strong personality but not everybody  knows I am sweet, it just doesn’t show and can’t be justified the way I speak. I have a big heart, but I just want to keep it to myself.

How you act doesn’t define who you are, that’s what I have learned in life. Do what makes you happy, in every little thing you do, make sure you find contentment. Life is easy, we just make it complicated, if we learn to be contented in all the things we do, probably there will be no more confusions and we learn to value what we have. I don’t care too much now on how people think about me, I let them talk, I let them throw me a stone and I make it sure I throw them back kindness despite of how they think about me. This is me and I cannot change that, if I'll do that, I will never be me at all. Being good to other people no matter how they break you, you will still stand out, because you just proved to them that you are strong enough to face them and I learned to do that after all this time.