"bitter" OFF

I decided to create another blog so I can move on to another chapter of my life. I’ve had enough for the pain, frustrations, desperation in the old blog and I know it will be hard for me to face another battle of my life where my mom is not around anymore. I tried to be strong, I tried everything I could, I remained to be strong even if I am losing my strength because I know one day I am going to overcome all of these. 

This will be a new start of my life, in every end there’s always a better beginning. Despite of everything, I am enjoying my new world, my new life. I feel my worth, I am happy even if I am empty inside. There’s still a part me now I wanted to be settled yet I don’t know when will be the right time for that, I don’t even know when my heart is ready to say that “it’s okay” because I know for now, it is not really okay! 

I don’t want to reach the end that I am still bitter, that I am still in pain, that the only I have in my heart is revenge! I tried all the means and way to ease the pain, to somehow forget the pain, I have prayed hard that God will heal me every day, that I may not hear anything about them, that I may not see them for now because I honestly admit it that I am in the height of my anger. They can’t give back the life of my mom, not even millions of dollars will help relieve me. 

Well, I hope their daughters will never experience more than a thousand of pain we went through! We will never understand one person’s situation until we will go through the same as theirs.

Life has to start again

In those distress times of my life, I turn into blogging. I kept myself in silence, I pretend that everything is okay; I certainly believed that one day things will fall into its proper place. Blog has been a friend of mine for the last 3 to 4 years; there are sensitive issues in the past, family, personal, relationships, job and the like. I decided to re-arrange back my blog, dropped those pity issues and life has to start again as I go back to school and accept all the things that’s happening to me.

This is the turning point of my life where I am going to face it without my mom’s guidance this time. There are a lot of stories to tell, wisdom to share and experiences to be learned. As I will start my life being a student tomorrow, I know this will be the beginning of what I really wanted to be, what I should have been and the only thing that I know now is that I will never repeat the same mistakes again; I will do more in everything that I will do.

There are just a lot of reasons why things happen this way, I may not know why now but maybe later, I hope. There are still things I don’t understand, there are still situations I can’t accept, I tried to be strong in all the circumstances that comes my way but my strength is not enough still.

I am excited for the first day of class; the class that I know will hurt me at the same time because it will always remind me of my mom. Her memories will forever remain in my heart, her wisdom, her commitment to her profession where I know I will have it the same in the future.