Just no surprises

Happy New Year!! Yan ang unang bati ko sa inyong lahat!! Chos! Hehe kembot kembot ikot ikot hanggang mahilo lang! hahaha

Hmmm… I still have something to write about my year end break outside the city pero I cannot compose it yet dahil bangag pa ako sa usok at sa pagkain na nilamon ko these past few days and yes lamon ng lamon lang kasi feeling ko last na last na talaga ang mga yon! Hahaha syet! Kailangan now hard diet! Charot!!

As I look into my blog, on the right side sa may countdown ng birthday, I saw 3 days left more to go and boom! Nanginginig ako at kinakabahan and I just couldn’t explain it why. Nah! I love making surprises to people I care and love about but ayaw na ayaw ko yong ako ang nasusurprise personally dahil I just don’t like the feeling of I don’t know saan ko pupulotin yong puso ko, yong kaba ko na parang nauutot lang ako ng bongga. Hahaha syet lang kasi! Or maybe I just could not control the emotions I have inside whenever I feel surprised, mahirap ako makapagmove on sa bagay na yon hahaha so if ever, wag na kayong magisip ng surprise kasi dahil because hahaha ayoko sa feeling na yon! Hahaha

Last 2014, month of January, hindi ganon kaganda ang pagbukas ng taon sa akin, I do have a lot of trials encountered & the best din naman nangyari sa part na yon is where I learned to surrender myself to God and I can say that I was home by then. it was tough. Really. I made it through those storms & I’m proud of it.

Today, 2015, it’s a good one, maganda ang pasok ng taon even before 2015 strikes. There’s a lot more na pagdadaanan ko, mas matindi mas mahirap but I am excited to take the challenge whatever it is coz one thing I know that will help me to shape myself. I am totally ready for that!

I wanted to say thank you to the people who never left me during my rainy days nong 2014, I’ve come to see true friends and people around who truly care and love you the least you expect it. It’s a one hell ride back there but I made it because for all you know I got my strength in you, I even learn to trust despite of betrayal. I thanked you Atty. slash Archt. Grace B., Feunah, Imee Jane, Hadasah, Renato & Juan for being part of my 2014 & brighten me up during my darkest hours. Chos! Hehehehe of course my blogger friends who never failed to share their life across, Thank you guys! 

So this is it let me enjoy this year 2015, more travels hopefully and the most important I am looking forward this year is I am going to serve my profession.

The TeleMoves

One day I will be able to break my own silence, it’s been almost a year already and yes I know I have moved on from the fact that I had to get through one of the toughest way I could just to understand & help myself believing that there are things in life are not the same the way it has to be.

I told myself then, I should focus on the things na meron ako, forget those nawala because basically they aren’t that important to be with you sa darating na umaga. I think so. I never said that I was right all along. I am just being honest to not just what I think I feel but I am being true to my emotions towards such situation. For all the things I went through in life, I believe naman na I was prepared in the past to face what’s for today. I just can’t believe I made it through all the way! I swear and I admit that it was one hell ride of my life back then.

I am very happy of what I have become after everything. I learn to be humble enough, put some humility to myself, I even learn to listen more. I think the best part there was, I learn to know about what I am capable of and what I want to be as a human being. I learn to value gratitude after all & give away all the love I could share to those who are in need.

It’s just so ironic that because people seen you as a strong woman, a person that would never break in, no one would think or maybe ask “how are you!” that’s really funny to me, really! Why? Everybody thinks that “kaya” mo ang lahat, super duper woman ka sa lahat ng bagay which is a big MALI! We all have our own breaking moments, maybe it’s just that strong people don’t show it often. I always did that however, I just managed it in my own way thinking that “I know there are people out there na mas mabigat pa yong problema nila kaysa sa akin” so I just leave it that way anyway!

Whatever it is, I am pretty sure that I am on my way of getting my own dreams. I may look back one day, but I know it will never be the same then. I am just happy of what I am today & I am living my life according to God’s plan. God must have a great reason why things just happened that way. As long as I know I am not hurting anybody, I am fine with that.

So long & God Bless you always!

Wwwooootttt.. seryus mode akech! Haha 

Special Connection between the two

It’s been ten years since the last time sinipag akong magblog lol

Hindi ko rin alam now kung sipag ba ito or sadyang kinarir ko lang ang pinagdadaanan ko

May utang pa ako kay zai, empi at steph, nasa file ko pa yong draft ng kwento ko sa kanila, nasa kalagitnaan na ako at biglang madaming sagaball sa blogging career ko kaya natambak ko ang draft nila zai, empi at steph. uunahin ko sana gawin  yon kaso ito na naman ang pakiramdam kong ayaw ko na talaga sana pero bakit ba! Naiinis na ako ha!! Super! Mga moment na hindi na dapat mag-appear, super bitter pa rin kasi appear ng appear hindi ko naman kailangan. (bigti mode)

Hindi ko rin naman masabi dahil sa super pagod ko lately sa event at nagkakaganito ang pakiramdam ko. Totoo nga ang sabi nila when ang dalawang tao may special connection kasi kung ano ang nararamdaman mo, yon din ang nararamdaman ng isa. Isang halimbawa na naisip ko ngayon yong nag-iisip ka na itext or tawagan mo yong taong mahal mo tapos siya rin the moment you think about her/him pala,  yon din nasa isip niya. That is a very special connection kasi feelings niyo na ang nagsasabi gawin ang mga bagay2x (wag grin yang utak mo, nakikita ko lol) na sabay.

Yan ang pakiramdam ko ngayon, ang bigat, mas mabigat pa sa kuyukot na dinadala ko at pinipilit pa itong palakihin na parang napaka-imposeble naman yata pero I will still try. You know. =)

Hindi na muna ako magjoke kasi seryos kasi tong post ko na ‘ito. Rots.

Nahihirapan ako? Siguro kasi ayoko tanggapin yong closure. What I mean is OO there is a closure pero ang iniwan ko yong mga magagandang alaala dahil I want to live there, I want to live it that way kasi kahit anong galit naman gawin ko, wala eh, wala naman, feeling ko in the end of it, nasa akin pa rin ang mali, ang kulang but God knows how I tried to save it pero wala na talaga. There are things we need to accept na kung hindi daw talaga para sa atin, wag na natin itong ipilit.

Sa mga pagkakataong ito, gusto kong lumayo. Malayo sa maiingay na ciudad, at manatili muna sa may bundok, yong pagkagising ko puro kahoy lang ang nakikita ko, may dagat at may mga ibon na nagiingay sa paligid.

Wala namang tao or situation na nagpush sa akin na maramdaman tong bigat sa dibdib ko, ito na talaga ang sinasabi kong special connection between us kahit malayo na siya, wala na siya pero dahil may pinagsamahan kayo, meron pa ring natitira kaya alam kong sa oras na ito abot tenga ang ngiti niya, natagpuan na niya ang happiness na hinahanap niya, may kayakap na siya hindi lang sa isang araw or dalawa pero pwedi na ring habang buhay na. I remember that pain, tagos sa laman, sobra!

Napagod ako, parang gusto ko lang matulog ngayon, pinipilit wag umiyak diba kasi wala naman rason, ok naman ako ayoko lang sa naramdaman ko ngayon kasi sobrang bigat. Ito at ito lang yong pakiramdam ng malaman kong ang pagiwan mo sa panahong yon ay natuto ka ng hindi na bumalik.

Sana pwedi kagad sumakay ng eroplano para lumayo at mag-isip ulit. Gusto kong pumara ng airplane at magpunta ng hongkong Disneyland para isiping bata ulit, walang problema, innocente ang pagiisip at hindi nagiisip pa sa kinabukasan.

I’m just really sad.

Bear with me my blog. =)

Wanna escape for a while. 

Isang huling iyak daw

After I posted my last entry, I tried to open my winamp and boom! Boom! Suddenly it’s a love song! Bohahaha one last cry ang drama ni winamp! Tan-ena! i forgot to change my playlist earlier while Im in the office. The music is trying to change my mood after being “a little angry” mood kanina. Probably this will lead to drama! Walang funny sa one last cry! Hahaha I did that, I really did that but there’s still pain inside my heart that I couldn’t explain it, I can’t even express it. I am not lonely, I am not sad, maybe I am just hurt and I accepted that feeling.

I told you, maging madamdamin na ang post nato dahil sa lintik na one last cry na yan! Bohahaha I wanted to laugh about it pero seriously if only alam niya how much I am missing the old days, the old us, killing me softly ang dating ng feeling na yan! (saksakin ang puso!!) hindi ko rin pweding tapatan ng kanta ni dingdong avanzado ba? The “why can’t it be”  because hindi nga talaga pwedi! Tatanga tanga ako kapag go ng go go ako! This emotion is just temporary, I will go through this, I still have a life and a dream to reach. Kaya ko ‘to! Hahaha kebs na!!

Medyo matagal din na hindi ako nakinig sa playlist nato, tambak! Tinago at  nilibing! Hinukay ko para malaman saan na ba ang puso ko!! Charus!! Hahaha pero ang totoo I still feel the pain! Heeeww! I am trying, I keep on telling myself na kaya ko to! I did this before, I can still do this now! maybe one day, I will lose my feelings but I always remember how great it was. Hanggang doon nalang!! Tapos ang usapan! Lels!!