What it is really?

I just couldn’t figure out what makes me so sad right now. I know there’s still pain in my heart and so much I wanted to dig within it, I just couldn’t. I recognized the feeling but i felt like all the things I’ve done now just to make myself busy is not enough to occupy everything including my soul. What’s in there anyway? That I couldn’t explain it even.

I can’t take back everything, I can’t go back to the time where I have cherished the most. I know and I am aware of what is happening, I can’t say I am not doing anything because I know I have done so much that I couldn’t even attend on my own wants, I tried everything so much just to leave and ignore what’s in my heart but there were memories I can’t just throw it away and I believed, those memories can’t be thrown away easily when I know a part of me is with that memories.

I am hurt for no reason, I can’t even figure it out where that came from now. I can’t say that I am okay, maybe I am just confused? Troubled mind and heart? Stressed out? Tired? Probably I am just sleepy for it’s already 2:22 in the morning. 

Time to change

i need to change everything in my blog from banner to the background. i just don't know how to do it. i hope there could be an angel who drops off in my blog and share his/her idea how to make one. i am also still waiting for my application in cdo bloggers, well its fun i think, i just need to be so busy in everything so i will not be able to attend too much on myself. i think it's time to work on the community and listen to what the society's need. 

Recharge, Reborn, Rebuild Life

Weekend has been busy, i tried to learn the word “determination” and “motivation” in losing my weight! (lels!! Hahaha) seriously, I woke up so early to take a jog (Saturday) and a long walk by 5am (Sunday) and my jogging buddy suggested that I should enrol myself to the gym where she used to go, so right after we had a jog last Saturday TADAAHH!! we went to the gym and apply for a losing program. This time I need to work on things because sayang yong pera na pinambayad!! Hahaha ok so here is my plan now, hoping to be consistent in what I do and will not stop doing things I started.

One major reasons to lose weight is yong goiter ko, hindi pa naman halata pero it’s already there (it runs in the family genes) so for whatever operation in the future at least my body is ready for that, second is practicum will be coming so soon, a year from now so I need to fix myself because of the uniforms and I will be working on the field so I should be physically fit and lastly for some personal reasons also. (akin nalang yon muna? Hehehehe)

I am happy of what I am doing now kasi it helps me to be so busy in my life, pretending not to have problems, trying not to think about it because I don’t need to be so depressed on some matters. Classes starts next week the same so definitely I will learn to adapt “multi-tasking” job in my daily routing. Waking up early to prepare for work, after work I will be going to school and drop myself to the gym even for an hour, well I hope things will work out the way I think now.

I won’t lose this chance of losing and gaining something in my life, it’s I think about I need a change of routine, a change of points of view. Life has been tough to me in the past years and I want to see life differently so I am starting to rebuild myself, I will try burn what I had in the past and learn to live what has been given to me presently, future will come soon as long as I will complete what I want in my life now, everything will follow anyways. =) 

Taking step forward

I woke up half-hearted. I couldn’t explain the exact reason why, I just felt that my heart now is heavy probably there’s one person I want to comfort me, the smile would mean a lot. Choosing the life I have now will change my life forever and my future either. I know this is all I want, my dreams to be pursued. I wanted to finish the race I have promised to my late mom and I am keeping it for now. I am happy with the life I had but still it feels like there’s still missing but maybe this is just a temporary feeling until everything is over and gone. What’s keeping me busy now is my job, my studies and my dreams as well. There’s a lot to sacrifice in life and I want to feel every moment I am learning those discoveries i encounter as I walk in my journey. 

For now I know I made a right decision of pursuing what I really want in life. I still love my mom even if she already passed away, having this dreams I am doing now is one proof that my love will never stop and I am going to finish her race the same. When she died, it was my turning point and I am starting to change my life, the life I used to have and I learn to dream more than what I know I can. I know this feeling will pass through it’s time but now I just couldn’t help it and I am trying to keep myself busy chattering on social network, connecting old friends and learning to break the wall inside me. I wanted to cry to release everything I have in my heart now but i want to do it in a place where all I can see is all color green, the trees and bushes, I even wanted to run after the cows, chicken and experience for a while to roam around in a flower field, I think that will help me lift my spirit back.

Life has to move forward every day and we need not to stop just because we are confused, stressed out, hurt and frustrated, this is hard I know when I felt like the world is on me, the pain can’t get out in my heart and a lot of thoughts in my brain. It’s over I know and life has to start again. 

Hiatus

Wow just i have thought that na kaya kong isabay ang mag-aral, magwork, magblog, diyos ko lord ang super hirap!! i've been so busy the last semester then dagdag pa ang summer classes na todo dugo na ang pwet ko kakaupo dahil as much as possible ayoko mag-absent. well i don't know how far i will go sa blogging career ko (megenun talagang kerer!! haha) nakakamiss na rin magblog, magkwento sa araw mo-masaya or galit at inis ka man at may ibang taong hindi mo kilala na nagbabasa sa blog mo at a simple comment from them will make you smile, that's a simple thing but it is kinda a big thing to you already. so much i wanted to update my blogsite, tell all the things happened in my life kaso hindi ko na na-aasikaso, nabebehind na ako sa ano ang latest sa blogsphere. ngayon, i could say na nakakapagpahinga ako kasi i have my weekend back, no hassle, no more worries to think of, no classes yet and nakabawi na rin ako ng tulog. ang aasikasuhin ko na talaga ngayon promise totoo na 'to ang pagpapayat na!! hahaha 

kailangan ko ng headset!!

Owlord Jesus mary! Maaga ako sa office kanina than the usual (lagi kasi ako late eh!! Hahaha) maganda ang panahon, medyo maulan (ohh sendong pls wag ka ng bumalik!) kaso when I got into the office umulan ng mga bunganga naman!! At ikwento ko anong nangyari, ipagdasal ko na masummarize ko lahat. Hahaha

Putak ng putak ang isa kong kasama dahil sa overtime (may overtime dahil sa sendong lels!!) dahil ayaw  niyang magbawas ng kahit konti para ibigay sa nagttrabaho ng mga payroll namin, at madaming reasons na binigay niya, noted naman talaga siyang may hokos pokos dito sa opisina pero kebs ang lahat ng tao dito dahil kami nalang ang nahihiya para sa kanya. Siya ang laging naghahabol sa pera, minsan na niya akong niloko, ilang beses nangungutang pero hindi marunong magbayad kaya ngayon NO WAY akong magpautang sa kanya kahit bente pinagdadamot ko talaga!! Hahaha

Alam kong madaming kababalaghan nangyayari dito sa office namin mula nong siya ang may hawak ng mga stocks sa opisina, no say nalang ako kasi ako ang pinakabata dito at ayokong irisk ang aking values baka diko mapigilan mawala ako sa sarili ko at magfeeling feelingan na tama ako!! Shet!!

  

So back sa topic, galit na galit sya, ingay2x niya, paulit-ulit walang katapusan ang sinasabi so ako nagtimpi ako, ng nakalabas siya, sumigaw lang ako to release my stress at natawa ang boss ko so sabi ko  "I NEED A HEADSET!! ang ingay eh!!," na-istress ako sa kanya!! Punyetas niya!! Dahil madami siyang ginagawang kalokohan takot syang balikan nito, minumulto na siya, mukha na siyang lola na nasa 40s pa naman sana ang age niya (manlait na ako talaga, galit ako eh!! Hahaha) yan ang sinasabi ng matatanda na kahit anong sikap gawin mo kung sa masama naman galing ang pera, hindi ka rin aasenso which is happening to her 6 years ago na ganon at ganon pa rin hindi siya umuusad, tumanda nalang ako ng slight dito sa office, ganon pa rin sya!! hahaha

Araw2x na lang kasi ginawa ni lord na sobrang ingay niya, laging galit na wala namang dahilan kaya bumili ako ng headset para through my action, maipahiwatig ko sa kanya na I am not interested sa kanyang pagbubunganga!! Wala akong pakialam sa overtime (maliit kasi ang ot ko dahil siya lang naghokos pokos na maglagay, sa kanya ang malaki, kapal ng mukha!!) sa kanila baka mas need niya ng lalaki niya!! Oo kahit lola ang mukha niya kumikiringking pa rin siya sa iba!!! Futa!! Hahaha siya na!! siya na ang may bonggang buhay!!

Ako ang taong di nakikialam, kaya kong di makipagusap dito sa opisina basta nakaonline lang ako tahimik na ang buhay ko, as I’ve said the same sa mga previous post ko, simply lang ang buhay ko, tahimik ako at di ako madaldal, di ako nakikichismis as much as possible sa mga kaopisina ko, pag may narinig ako hindi ko na ito sinasabi sa iba para hindi mapagsimulan ng gulo, at contento na ako sa buhay ko.

Happy ako to have my new headset para lang masabi ko dito sa opisina na ang ingay niyo!!! Hahaha I ate sundae na rin sa Jollibee to relieve my stress and its working!! Kalahati pa lang ng araw ko yan ha!!! Hahaha 

kayo ang pinagpala (bitter bitteran)

Super inggit na ako sa inyo that you are enjoying commenting on your reply button using the new feature ng blogspot. Still my problem previous na hindi ko mapindot ang reply button yon pa rin ang problema ko. Napipindot niyo pero ako hindi gumagana, sinumpa na ako ng google chrome at Mozilla firefox – parang nagusap sila na walang laglagan!

I already changed my background, back to the basic na nga ako, walang arte, walang arteng color, ganon pa rin. Many helped me what to do pero still the same, I followed the right settings para gumana pero wala pa rin. Shet!! Hahaha I don’t know what to do. Pahirap sa layp!! Super inggit na ako kasi automatic na nakakapagreply kayo pero ako hindi! Hindi at never ng mangyari!! Hahaha owww mah lord!!

ngayon nagbitter bitteran na ako sa mga pangyayari!! hahaha echos!!