Wag magbasa kasi.

It’s January 2 and yeah it’s still January 2, unang pasok sa trabaho sa taong 2013. Habang nagbabasa ako ng blog sa mga kaibigan, bang! Beng! Feeng! It reminds me of something that like I always said na dapat hindi na maremember at isipin! Hahaha kahit anong tawa ko promise, the pain is still inside me. Charos! Totoo. Walang biro, seryos na ako! Hihihi akalain mo, sometimes you see yourself sa ibang tao, there are emotions you cannot express dahil kailangan itago pero others helped you to take that out. So ito na nga! Kakayanin ko ito! Hehehe nadala ako sa aking emosyon! hahaha simpleng inggitera ang emosyon ko! 

Si Antonio ang dahilan at ang alindog ni jonDmur…

Gaya ng sabi ko, matapang ako, I have a strong personality pero tambling din ako sa taong ito, lahat alam, lahat pwedi and walang keme, pati amoy ng utot alam! Pwedi akong sumigaw na hindi ako babarahin, aawayin siya at susuyoin ako, pweding saktan physically kapag gusto ko lol (wag berdeh isip haha) lahat may katapusan, even if I wanted it still, hindi na talaga pwedi. There are moments now I am tempted to check his status, kung ano na nangyari sa buhay niya pero natatakot ako, hindi ko alam anong takot ito, takot masaktan? Mainggit dahil he is happy? Or he finally found someone kung  saan mas nakita niyang mas happy siya doon? Wala, basta malalim na hininga lang ang kaya kong gawin kapag ito ay napapagusapan. Gusto kong tumawa ngayon pero naiiyak na ako! Charos!! Kailangan tulongan ang sarili! As in now na talaga!

sabi nga ni tonio sa kanyang entry, may 3 month rule moving period, ako heller! Kumusta naman! Anong oras at petsa na! sa stages of grieving nasa acceptance na ako pero takot pa rin akong malaman ano na ang nangyari sa kanya. hindi ko na ito babalakin pa siguro. roowtts!! ang iba’t ibang teknik naman sa sex life ang sabi ni jonDmur, at sinabit ko siya dito dahil lahat ng sinabi niya doon ay totoo at dahil doon, naaalala ko ang mga kalokohan namin kapag napagusapan ang mga illegal na bagay! Hahaha peteks! Kumusta naman ako ngayon! Hindi ako bitter, totoo yan pero I just simply missed him! Nakakamatay na ha! Hahaha

basta iibahin ko ang taong 2013, bagong perspective sa buhay at aabotin ang mga pangarap! Ganyan! Kahit sinasabi ng lahat na kung may nawala, may darating na mas higit pa sa kanya, asan na?! hahana I’m too busy sa buhay ko ngayon para isipin ang mga ganito, pero dahil hindi pa pasukan sa school, kaya ito emote ng emote! Haha cyber attack batok at tadyak kay Antonio at jonDmur!

We both miss it

When I was in my first course in college, I have this guy bestfriend, I can defined him as refined, religious and funny.  We’ve seen our growth, we shared good and bad memories until situation parted our ways. We made a promise once that we will finish first our course bago mag-gf and mag-bf, I could still recall the 5 thousand pesos pustahan, whoever get into a relationship first will pay 5 thousand pesos. We’re still teenagers! We think that way! Hahaha

He was my bestfriend, and I was the last person to know nagkaroon siya ng girlfriend, and boom! I hated him so much that I wanted to throw him from the 5^th floor where our department belongs. I verbally expressed that I hate him, that he broke our usapan and I was really afraid that hindi siya makatapos dahil masisira ang buhay niya dahil sa pag-ggf! it’s not about the money but it’s loyalty and word of honor. Ang stupid ng isip ko noon! Hahaha now I realized how stubborn and selfish I was!! And it really happened, he stopped, he didn’t go to school anymore, I haven’t heard about him ever since.

A year or two I think, he came back to school, he tried to approach me but I was already closed. I still expressed my emotions that I was really mad at him. (i have no other reason of being mad except that promise, I don’t have any feelings for him!! He is just a friend to me!) Every time he wanted to talk to me, I refused and I openly express that he has no room in my life anymore. I lost him, she lost me.

More than 6 years had passed, maybe, I can’t count it. Our path crossed online, we talked sa ym, I even forgot na nag-away pala kami noon! Hahaha shit ang utak ko! Hahaha tan-enah!! He told me “I want to tell you that I consider you really as my bestfriend” and oh my god!! As in like, hell! I said “yeah, me too and I missed you” simple as that. Then our communication went off again because I keep on changing numbers at that time dahil may issue din ako sa own life ko! Hahaha and I know he is been busy also sa girlfriend niya, sa work and even his past time – online games.

Lately, I was online sa fb and I saw his updated profile, I come to like one of his updates and unexpectedly biglang beep! “hey musta?” and the conversation ended into having a coffee kapag may time. And I said “we need to catch up” and he replied “yah, a lot!” and I realized how many days of his lives I missed, the memories we should create, the laughter that we both shared and the ups and downs in his life being his best friend, I wish I was there walking with him.

Now we’re texting back again, just now and decided to meet tomorrow after how many years I avoided him, I ignored him. What I only wish now is I hope we could still patch things up and create new memories. Things may be different this time between us as best of friends, but let’s just see, kwento ko nalang bukas! Hahaha para may thrill naman! hehehe